Holiday time is upon us...it can be a difficult time for those in grief, particularly Womb Twin Survivors who may feel sad or guilty celebrating without their twin or who feel different from their loved ones at times of "togetherness". It can be a busy time of comings and goings and symbolic representation, a reflective time and a depressing & disappointing time. So how can we get through another holiday successfully? What strategies might we use to get through the holidays, year to year and how does that change over time?
It's been one year since Womb Twin founder, Althea Hayton, passed from this realm on Aug 13 2014 leaving a rich legacy that is being realized more and more with each passing day. To honor her life and work, I have made it my personal mission to do what I can on her behalf to push forward her ideas, raise awareness, practice the healing techniques, document findings via the blogs and continue to adapt what Althea started to fast-changing times in order to ensure relevancy to the younger womb twins coming forward - for the womb twins Althea based her foundational work on were different than those coming forward now. Early days included work with older womb twin survivors who often had no proof but found tremendous healing with this discovery/modality after years of other attempts not quite solving it. Today we see younger womb twin survivors who always knew because they had proof of Vanishing Twin Syndrome or knew they were conceived as a twin/multiple through methods of IVF/ART. Future work will need to facilitate the changing needs of survivors of Multi Fetal Pregnancy Reduction. And I'm seeing new synergies among Living Twins whose pre-natal imprints cause issues and how this work can help them get to the source. I'm seeing more people who are both Living Twins and Womb Twin Survivors. The walls between camps are coming down as we realize that people can be all: a living twin can be a womb twin survivor triplet who becomes a twinless twin who then must come to terms with their individuality. Although the landscape has become ever-more complicated, the healing set forth by Althea Hayton holds up through it all. Her development of this syndrome and healing path have been the extraordinary solution for some already but, in my opinion, the real power of what it's meant to transform is yet to come. I'm proud to say the work is proving effective in every type of scenario.
The VH1 premiere of “Twinning” featured a whole bunch of twins who would be separated into two separate houses, then pit against their twin in challenges to test their twin psychicness when they are separated. When the twins are told they will be separating the whole mood of the show changes…faces look shocked, worried, confused. Some cry, one almost pee’s his pants, one says she would “lose her mind” without her twin, yet another says “Without my twin I’m nothing.”
Their strong reactions to twin separation demonstrate just how difficult it is for a twin to function without their twin. Why wouldn’t this be the case for womb twin survivors who must be born without their twin? Being born is the scariest thing we will do, aside from dying, a time when the comfort of familiarity would be extra important. Add to this the biggest death trauma possible (twin loss is bigger than losing a child or a spouse or a parent), not to mention the fact that newborn babies are extremely vulnerable, and you have a recipe for disaster. This emotional disaster is the birthright of a born-alone twin.
Back to Twinning, the show ended with the twins reuniting…one twin says it’s like “the whole is put back together, it’s amazing to be together again” – and so it goes that womb twin survivors must put the wholeness back together in themselves by reclaiming both their twin and individual identities.
This is a gut-wrenching story that happens more than most people realize...the journey to become healthy twins is often perilous and frought with many hurdles which keep presenting themselves as quickly as they can be overcome.
Portugal Babymoon Couple Stranded Twins Article
Despite the tremendous fight Hayden Grace is up against, living life without her twin will be worse than all of it. It may even cause her to give up the fight. Most womb twins feel they got the raw end of the deal and, if given the choice, want to be with their twin - even more than life itself.
On a more positive note, Womb Twin Survivors are super-charged with fight-or-flight adrenalin so their "survival" instinct is in full gear, and they have the power of two in them, so hopefully this is enough to overcome the psychospiritual shock which has become their birthright - not to mention the medical/biological challenges of extreme prematurity.
I too was born at six months - 3 months premature with a twin (I was 3 lbs, she was 2 lbs), spending two months in NICU without attachment bonding, way before they knew the value of touch and light therapy. It took two months for me to gain the 2 lbs needed to go home a 5 pounder and the psychological impact of this ordeal has taken years to heal. What could've been 60 days and nights of breastfed bonding to help ease my twinloss turned into 60 days of abandonment and isolation on top of my twin loss but thankfully the nurses on duty got me through.
The knowledge we have gleaned in the past half-century since my birth is a blessing which allows many more preemies to survive, we know so much more about what to do (i.e. the "rescuing hug")but our continued ignorance prevents prevention. Every day we learn more about the mistakes we make, and how to manage them, but as the world continues scratching its head about the reality of womb twin survivors, we miss chances at prevention. We need to raise awareness so that people can make informed choices about their procreative decisions. What can we do? Here are some ideas
- Talk to people in their 20's and 30's about starting families earlier - delayed conception is risky
- Lobby Government to include Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome as one of the risks factors in choosing IVF/ART and Multiple Fetal Pregnancy Reduction
- Speak out about how you, as a Womb Twin Survivor, are affected
- Volunteer at your local NICU to help cuddle preemies which are often Womb Twin Survivors, the recognition Womb Twin Survivors feel with each other can only help these little ones thrive.
Don't miss all the opportunities which exist every day for Womb Twins to raise awareness, we are walking billboards for the cause because we live with the effects everyday. Sheer persistence alone can strengthen the case that we are not making this up (which is what the world conveniently wants us to believe).
One of the many frustrating things about being a womb twin survivor is that our inner reality does not match our outer reality because there is no way to express our true identity as twins when there is no twin there. It's like a man who is really a female inside before sex-reassignment was possible or an obese person who is really a thin person inside before lap-band surgery - there is nothing we can do to prove to the world who we truly are, as we identify ourselves to be twins & multiples. Because WTS are born alone we are somehow supposed to be ok with this and not talk about it, while singletons have their funerals and grief ceremonies for every type of loss, including pet loss, military loss, etc. complete with outpourings of comfort and sympathy from their friends, family and workplace.
Most of the time, people don't know what to say to someone who lost a twin in-utero and usually consider the survivor wrong to be "stuck" or talking about it, surprised that someone would be affected by such an early loss, or downright judging them as crazy - resulting in behavior which is unintentionally dismissive causing the survivor to feel even more alienated and alone than they already are. This is extremely painful because twin loss is the biggest grief loss there is because it means a part of the surviving twin dies too, further, they still trade places and pick up the thoughts and feelings of their twin - even though their twin has died, so the grief is loaded with identity confusion and survivor guilt.
This lack of comfort and expression causes the grief to remain repressed resulting in a sense of turmoil and identity confusion for the survivor who does not feel "normal" and does not know how to articulate it and does not find many places to go for it. The discrepancy between their inner world and outer world widens unless proper channels are made to express the trauma and affirm & heal the ego identity of the survivor.
One tool I found useful during my healing journey was a technique called "picture letters" - my adopted twin and I would send each other letters in the mail of images torn out of magazines which we would write over in our own twin-loss language. It gave us so much joy to make the outer world match our inner world and also to know someone else saw the same things and felt the same way, we felt less alone with our thoughts and feelings and had a safe place to poke fun at our own anger and bitterness about life and the constant irony and duality we felt.
I recently decided to use Facebook the same way - to share the mental imagery of the mind of a Womb Twin Survivor with the world, in hopes that other WTS will have a-ha moments of wonder that someone sees things like they do, that they are not alone, that our condition can even be fun if we embrace it! They can also make comments back to make it an interactive experience which can be instantly gratifying because lone-twins find great comfort in seeing eye to eye with each other the way they would have with their twin.
Please friend Twindividual to view regular womb twin images on
Facebook.
Thanks & don't forget to join and comment!
The cause(s) of transgenderism are still unknown. There are currently a few suspected factors, like Genetics, but none are conclusive, among them "Biological and Environmental Factors" - like losing an opposite-gender twin in the womb, perhaps? Check out this new film on the subject and you will notice many familiar themes that Womb Twin Survivors share: dual identity, family alienation, feeling misunderstood, quest for authenticity, alpha/beta struggles, etc. In fact, one of the stars of the film, Laverne Cox, is a twin to a male, could there have been a female triplet lost that Laverne is keeping alive by being both genders?
I recently interviewed a transgender MTF, who was also at the opening of this film, who admitted she thinks this theory could be true for her, she said it could be the explanation for why, as a small boy, she dreamt of women having penises. Where would that come from at age 5 when she had no recollection of seeing such body parts on other people to know? Further examination revealed many twins in the family (genetic component confirmed) and 4 older brothers (which increases the chances for transgenderism due to Androgen exposure). Perhaps all these factors and the timing of how they were laid down caused her to be born male yet need the fluidity of both genders to feel complete. So much research is needed to confirm this theory but it seems this person has many of the known factors. Maybe science can't confirm the cause conclusively for each hunch because it's the combination of all these factors together that make a transgenderperson really a bigender person at their core who needs their outer packaging to reflect this duality, we just happen to call it transgenderism for now. To be continued...
Please donate to Womb Twin in order to support much needed research on this topic - and please support this film to raise awareness:
This link allows you to donate and gain access to view film online thru June 4th
www.carlathemovie.com
This question often comes up due to the common occurrence of misdiagnosis that happens for Womb Twin Survivors who are wrongly labeled/treated until they find the Womb Twin Healing Path as a solution which allows them a comfort level with living not previously achieved with other methods.
First, let’s look at the PD’s and their descriptions:
Millon's brief description of personality disorders
ParanoidGuarded, defensive, distrustful and suspiciousness. Hypervigilant to the motives of others to undermine or do harm. Always seeking confirmatory evidence of hidden schemes. Feel righteous, but persecuted. People with paranoid personality disorder are characterized by a pattern of pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others which last for a long time. They are generally difficult to work with.
SchizoidApathetic, indifferent, remote, solitary, distant, humorless. Neither desire nor need human attachments. Withdrawn from relationships and prefer to be alone. Little interest in others, often seen as a loner. Minimal awareness of the feelings of themself or others. Few drives or ambitions, if any. Is an uncommon condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. It affects more males than females. To others, they may appear somewhat dull or humorless. Because they don't tend to show emotion, they may appear as though they don't care about what's going on around them.
SchizotypalEccentric, self-estranged, bizarre, absent. Exhibit peculiar mannerisms and behaviors. Think they can read thoughts of others. Preoccupied with odd daydreams and beliefs. Blur line between reality and fantasy. Magical thinking and strange beliefs. People with schizotypal personality disorder are often described as odd or eccentric and usually have few, if any, close relationships. They generally don't understand how relationships form or the impact of their behavior on others.
AntisocialImpulsive, irresponsible, deviant, unruly. Act without due consideration. Meet social obligations only when self-serving. Disrespect societal customs, rules, and standards. See themself as free and independent. People with antisocial personality disorder depict a long pattern of disregard for other people's rights. They often cross the line and violate these rights.
BorderlineUnpredictable, manipulative, unstable. Frantically fears abandonment and isolation. Experience rapidly fluctuating moods. Shift rapidly between loving and hating. See themself and others alternatively as all-good and all-bad. Unstable and frequently changing moods. People with borderline personality disorder have a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships.
HistrionicDramatic, seductive, shallow, stimulus-seeking, vain. Overreact to minor events. Exhibitionistic as a means of securing attention and favors. See themself as attractive and charming. Constantly seeking others' attention. Disorder is characterized by constant attention-seeking, emotional overreaction, and suggestibility. Their tendency to over-dramatize may impair relationships and lead to depression, but they are often high-functioning.
NarcissisticEgotistical, arrogant, grandiose, insouciant. Preoccupied with fantasies of success, beauty, or achievement. See themself as admirable and superior, and therefore entitled to special treatment. Is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings.
AvoidantHesitant, self-conscious, embarrassed, anxious. Tense in social situations due to fear of rejection. Plagued by constant performance anxiety. See themself as inept, inferior, or unappealing. They experience long-standing feelings of inadequacy and are very sensitive of what others think about them.
DependentHelpless, incompetent, submissive, immature. Withdrawn from adult responsibilities. See themself as weak or fragile. Seek constant reassurance from stronger figures. They have the need to be taken care of by a person. They fear being abandoned or separated from important people in their life.
Obsessive–compulsiveRestrained, conscientious, respectful, rigid. Maintain a rule-bound lifestyle. Adhere closely to social conventions. See the world in terms of regulations and hierarchies. See themself as devoted, reliable, efficient, and productive.
DepressiveSomber, discouraged, pessimistic, brooding, fatalistic. Present themself as vulnerable and abandoned. Feel valueless, guilty, and impotent. Judge themself as worthy only of criticism and contempt. Hopeless, Suicidal, Restless. This disorder can lead to aggressive acts and hallucinations.
Passive–aggressive (Negativistic)Resentful, contrary, skeptical, discontented. Resist fulfilling others’ expectations. Deliberately inefficient. Vent anger indirectly by undermining others’ goals. Alternately moody and irritable, then sullen and withdrawn. Withhold emotions. Will not communicate when there is something problematic to discuss.
SadisticExplosively hostile, abrasive, cruel, dogmatic. Liable to sudden outbursts of rage. Gain satisfaction through dominating, intimidating and humiliating others. They are opinionated and close-minded. Enjoy performing brutal acts on others. Find pleasure is abusing others. Would likely engage in a sadomasochist relationship, but will not play the role of a masochist.
Self-defeating (Masochistic)Deferential, pleasure-phobic, servile, blameful, self-effacing. Encourage others to take advantage of them. Deliberately defeat own achievements. Seek condemning or mistreatful partners. They are suspect of people who treat them well. Would likely engage in a sadomasochist relationship.
These descriptions read like classic Womb Twin Survivor symptoms/feelings/traits – the remarkably high incidence of similarities makes it plausible to ascertain that Personality Disorders (PDs) are clusters of womb twin phenomena previously characterized as such due to lack of Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome (WTSS) knowledge (established in 2007).
To single out one of the PD’s, Borderline Personality Disorder, its description sounds exactly like the inner life of a Womb Twin Survivor. If this were true, and they are indeed the same thing, then these Symptoms of Disorder would actually be An Appropriate Reaction to Womb Trauma related to Twin Loss. When we look at them that way, we dial-down the “crazy” aspect and dial-in the fascinating understanding of how the psyche copes with trauma, pre and post limbic.
So what are the chances these are the same thing? When we look at research, it shows that BPD does appear to be a distinct diagnostic entity, although it co-occurs frequently with other mental disorders such as major depressive and bipolar II disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), substance use disorders, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and with several other personality disorders.3 Being that these are also textbook symptoms of Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome, this seems to further the case.
Going further into the correlation between the two, we must not only look at the symptoms – we must look at the cause. It is generally held that biological and environmental risk factors interact to reach a critical level of brain dysfunction resulting in symptoms of BPD. Further, it appears that this critical degree of disturbance of brain function can be achieved by a large amount of biological risk, sometimes combined with a low amount of environmental risk, or as low biological risk coupled with high environmental risk, or intermediate levels of both.
I can’t think of a bigger explanation of Biological Risk than the pre-natal loss of a twin and the grief trauma suffered by the surviving twin, who may also have suffered Environmental Risk factors in utero.
It makes sense that a twin without a twin, who has nowhere to put their twin identity or express the unknown trauma their body memory holds, would show up with a label like
Multiple Personality Disorder because they are truly more than one person, who lost a twin or multiple in the womb. Unaware singletons in charge of writing diagnostic codes and ordering courses of treatment can only do their best, but unfortunately it’s not enough given the twin/multiple epidemic we are facing… which brings us to the the real issue: there aren’t enough practitoners in the know about pre-natal psychology and Womb Twin Healing.
According to Theodore Millon, Ph.D., D.Sc. "PDs's are inflexible and pervasive due to the fact that such behavior may be ego-syntonic (i.e. the patterns are consistent with the ego integrity of the individual). This behavior can result in maladaptive coping skills, which may lead to personal problems that induce anxiety, distress or depression". I would like to put forth the question: What if the ego-integrity of the individual is already compromised/damaged at birth due to womb twin loss, resulting in anxiety, distress, depression which is then exacerbated as life continues without acknowledgement or remedy? Are we sure we are putting the right horse before the right cart?
It’s my belief we can use Womb Twin healing techniques to get to the cause of the problem for many sufferers of PD’s who are wrongly labeled and mistreated because they are being misdiagnosed due to lack of a better explanation – until now. Perhaps not all of them are WT’s, but based on my research and work in the field, I would guess many of these people are Womb Twin Survivors who don’t know they are.
The quickest way to confirm the relationship between WTSS and PD’s would be to treat these personality orders with the Womb Twin Healing Path, preferably without traditional medicine/psychotherapeutic approaches, in order to assess whether symptoms are alleviated. If lessening or diminishment of symptoms is achieved, then we can prove a relationship exists between WTS and PD’s and perhaps help people alleviate these symptoms, which may really just be manifestations of keeping their ‘dream of the womb’ alive (as well as expressing their twin nature, who uses these devices to make itself known until we can know it consciously).
With open minds, we can see these symptoms as an innocent reaction, which need acknowledgment and release - rather than a label or disease to be medicated or institutionalized. We can go beyond asking What If? to What Now? and strive to provide proper treatment. The proof of the correlation will be in the healing and of course, this work may need to augment some traditional approaches in some cases, but at this writing too much research and support is needed to crack the true answer to this question, even though we probably already have the answer.
This evening is Bruce Jenner’s big reveal to the world about his upcoming Gender Reassignment Surgery on ABC. While the world awaits a mysterious explanation about this surprising and personal choice, I would like to offer a possible explanation in advance, one which perhaps not even Bruce has considered about himself.
Seen through a womb-twin lens, I can intuit exactly what’s going on for Bruce, as well as Rob Kardashian. I can offer a theory as to why their relationship is strained now that Rob is clearly against this gender change while all his other siblings endorse it and support Bruce.
I believe they are both Womb Twin Survivors! And this is what makes them similar yet at odds, perhaps a subconscious competition between them. I believe Bruce had a female twin in the womb (most likely, 2 identicals - making him a triplet) and Rob had a male twin in the womb (most likely identical). Here’s my guess:
If Bruce is a male to 2 twin identical females, he would’ve been alone in his own sac. Could this be why it felt natural for him to create an off-site residence for only him, separate from the girls nearby? When his twins disappeared, he needed to keep their feminine energy alive inside him, but being an alpha male athlete he couldn’t admit that. So instead he finds fulfillment in marrying a woman who has lots of girl children, their union producing twin daughters. He would’ve felt natural to be around all that feminine energy but also left-out in his maleness (matching his womb dynamic). Could it be that seeing his twin daughters bond and come of age triggered an internal jealousy & sadness in Bruce, which, when combined with his switch from alpha male to beta male (thanks to his wife Kris being all business) was too much for his psyche to endure? The isolation/abandonment he felt could have caused him to fall deep into his black hole of needing his twin and all the identity and gender confusion which comes with it, needing to feel close to the girls inside him.
With no awareness that such a complex exists within him, his goal would be to remedy his sadness & confusion by keeping his dream of the womb alive - indeed, surpassing it - and trading places with his girl twin who was closest to him in the next sac. That would alleviate survivor guilt and merge him with his twin, heaven! If there was another identical, perhaps, more distant to Bruce, but closer to the other female, he could have picked up her desire to be with her twin and it would come out as him becoming a ‘she who is close to another she’ - the perfect amalgamation to recapture his original womb story. He wants to become a woman who is a lesbian, that way his maleness will be diminished (eliminating survivor guilt) and he’ll be reunited, actually merged, with the girls who are such a part of him. The alternative is so painful, he will suffer public humiliation in order to get his twin/triplet fix.
Then there’s Rob, the only Kardashian son, who has been depressed, isolated from the family and less successful than the rest. All typical womb twin traits. Poor Rob seems to have fallen deep into his black hole and no amount of money or fame can get him out of it. I believe Rob lost a male twin, likely identical - he and his father would’ve been the ‘two boys’ among all those girls, until his father died rendering Rob abandoned and grief stricken again. As all the girls around him rose to alpha fame, Rob slipped further into his black hole beta-space, becoming invisible.
The girls attempts to rescue him (with career, dieting and well-being help) made it worse because he wasn’t meant to merge with females, he was looking for his male counterpart to rescue/be rescued by…but he was outnumbered and overshadowed and the only male. Could his weight gain be contributed to this need to increase the number of males in the family, or be a way to show the world there are two of him by doubling in size? Yo-yo dieting and the media-spotlit alpha/beta struggle would only exacerbate his depression in this endless cycle of failure. Being elevated to alpha fame didn’t match his womb story, so he may have subconsciously decided to stay stuck keeping his dream of the womb alive, looking for his male counterpart. As his sisters brought male suitors into the family, he may have bonded with them as twin replacements, particularly Lamar Odom - this is when Rob seemed happy and strong enough to launch his own business, until Lamar too disappeared sending Rob into weight gain/isolation mode. Now, the only male left in the family, his step-dad Bruce, has decided to change gender from male to female, committing yet another familiar betrayal - leaving Rob alone with all those girls and no male twin replacement. No wonder he is the only child who does not support Bruce’s decision.
These behaviors are perfectly explainable and logical when seen through a womb twin lens, they may be nothing more than an appropriate reaction to a series of prior in-utero events which look very odd & confusing without knowledge and belief in the everyday life of a womb twin survivor.
Now let’s tune in to hear what Bruce has to say about all this!….It's nice when they admit a teratoma is an absorbed twin. will Yamini feel the loss of her twin now that they have been separated via surgery, despite never knowing about her twin before? We are here for you if you need us Yamini!
http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Embryonic-Twin-Discovered-in-Womans-Brain-During-Surgery-300891281.htmlThe world is acknowledging more and more that womb twin loss is a thing and has an impact - for years this point was missed or questioned & not easily believed, which has been extremely frustrating for Womb Twin Survivors whose lives are affected everyday. Not finding widespread help only compounds this feeling of isolation, given that we live in a cause-curated world. The tides are changing now that the masses can no longer look the other way due to headlines such as these:
http://www.parents.com/blogs/baby/2015/02/10/news/these-remarkable-babies-were-born-without-their-twins/?utm_source=scarymommy.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchangeThis brand of humor speaks for itself, but it is interesting that the mass psyche is starting to wrap its head around intrauterine rights and twin absorption as seen in this skit about FETUS LAWYERS:
http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/ouq3mw/the-unborn-ultimatumThis baby was born inside its amniotic sac three months premature...could he be a womb twin survivor?
http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/25/health/rare-en-caul-birth-amniontic-sac/index.htmlNow that Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome is on the scene, I wonder of these twins would've diagnosed themselves with it....before finding their lost twin on Facebook. Instead, they get to live their true twin identity through a fairy tale ending which womb twin survivors will never experience..what a happy story!
http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/12/living/separated-at-birth-reunited-on-facebook-parents/index.html?hpt=us_t5A new film about the bond of twins separated and reunited, although they are growing up in different countries it will be a huge relief for them to know the other exists and to understand their twin identity. See NY Times Article "Twin Sisters from China Stay in Touch"
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/20/arts/twin-sisters-from-china-stay-in-touch.html?_r=1With Althea's passing, it is important we all recognize the significance of carrying on her work so that future Womb Twin Survivors get the help she worked so hard to make available. While this marks the end of Althea's active participation, it is by no means an end, nor is it a slowing down, instead it heralds a new chapter to take her work forward based on seven years of refining and effectiveness so that her legacy can be realized and utilized - particularly since the in vitro/selective reduction babies are coming of age. So here's what's next:
- Womb Twin as a non-profit organization is alive and well in St Albans, UK with Celeste Hardingham as Chairman, appointed by Althea.
- Womb Twin will continue indefinitely as an administration with a board of directors, however, it relies on donations so we need help with fundraising. Write a letter of request to 20 people with the womb twin donation link (from website) so that they can make direct donations. It's that simple and you never know until you ask! Remember, We no longer have Althea's efforts to populate the donation pool, so all hands on deck!
- Wren Publications will be administered by Philip Hayton, Althea's son. What a blessing to have his help managing Althea's vast world of books which she published herself out of her determination to help womb twin survivors get the material they need, and which is available nowhere else.
- Monica Hudson is actively practicing the healing techniques taught to her by Althea from New York with new and existing womb twin survivors all over the world (in person & skype). Her Twindividual/Twindr initiatives are still in progress and will soon be launched as the next evolution of the womb twin work.
- Keep Spreading the word about this syndrome and Womb Twin organization in order to raise awareness, so that those who need help can get it, and hopefully to help prevent future cases.
-Expand the work in guiding Therapists, which was Althea's last effort "Ripples from the Womb" yet which was only the beginning of a much-needed way to bridge traditional therapy with the special needs of this under-the-radar population. In other words, if those who need help don't seek us out, we can at least prepare therapists to identify and then treat womb twin survivors.
Onward and Upward, it's time to reciprocate Althea for her generosity of spirit and pay her work forward into the world now...
As requested by the Goddess of All Things Womb Twin, here is a special dance for Althea, may she rest in peace. At the time of her passing, I was in New York sharing her Healing Path with a new recruit - Nicholas is a young dancer who will benefit from finding this work early in his life. She would've liked that. Since I sadly couldn't attend her burial on Thursday, we chose to honor her spirit with the dance of life from Fifth Avenue. The ripple effect of your dance is alive and well, Althea!
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Our beloved Althea, will be laid to rest on Thursday in the UK, her burial will be well attended by her family, church and community. She asked for donations to be given ALS (isn't it just like her to pick a disease that is trending via Ice Bucket Challanges?) but isn't that also just like her to ask for something unselfish to the cause she worked so hard to make into a non-profit organization serving what turned out to be roughly 3000 womb twin survivors of which 1000 have proof. The truth is, Womb Twin needs donations more than ever, without her. So please give to one or both in Althea's memory. The other request Althea made, was that there be dancing. So, everyone in the USA, please do a dance for Althea when you wake up in the morning!
The need for her work in the world is invaluable to those who need it. Here is a letter from a womb twin on the East Coast which really sums it up:
I came to know Althea and the Wombtwin Community at one of the lowest points of my life. It was about 10 days after I had made a very serious suicide attempt. Somehow I survived and was placed in a mental hospital for about a week. They wanted me to stay longer, but it was almost Christmas Day and I wanted to go home.
A few days later, I happened to be on the internet and in the search bar I keyed in the words "I had a twin who disappeared" and it was like I rubbed the magic lamp, because immediately a plethora of things came up, most of them titled "Wombtwin Survivors". Wow!! I had never heard of that term before. For at least 50 years, I had felt like I should have been a twin, always felt the presence of another little girl, I had all the earmarks of a twin. I had been hospitalized in mental hospitals on and off my entire life. A lot of psychiatrists thought I had multiple personality disorder, I was delusional, etc. Nobody could tell me anything definite.
That was until December 30, 2008. That was the day the biggest light in the universe came on, and I found Althea and the world of Wombtwins. I wasn't alone! I wasn't delusional! I was part of a big, beautiful family all over the world.
Thank you, Althea, and God Bless you in heaven for showing all of us the way. I will be eternally grateful to you. Love Always, Kate
This is just one example of how Althea gave so much to others with her generous spirit, now go be still and rest in peace knowing you have given us a place to understand ourselves and learn how to do our dance.
Besides - If we don't Do Our Dance, who will?
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Whether you are a living twin, a twinless twin or a womb twin survivor, your in-utero relationships gave you an awareness singletons don't have. These early imprints created dynamics that play out in relationships, which can be harnessed & healed, when made conscious. Many people find it hard to believe early loss of a twin or multiple in the womb can affect someone. In my experience of working with many twinless twins and womb twin survivors - of all genders, zygosities, ages - the earlier the loss, the deeper the trauma. That being said, let us be grateful that the twinless twins mentioned in this article, got to be born and have a relationship with their twin. Each sacred day, hour, moment they had together was a cherished gift before it all changed forever...
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/twinless-twins-grieve/story?id=24780120
To Womb Twin US - Monica,
My husband and I have two sons, a 3 year old and a 19 month old. Our youngest is a twin, and unfortunately we lost his brother 6 months into the pregnancy.
I have often wondered if the difficulties he is facing is linked to losing his brother. After today and reading blogs and information, I am almost sure of it.
For the most part he is a happy and healthy child. He laughs and runs and does everything little boys do. He isn't saying as many words as the "typical" child his age, but I am not worried as I know he understands a lot.
The "problems" are with his sleep and moods on some days. He will not fall asleep without me next to him. There have been times he has taken a nap on his own, but that is rare. He has now dropped his nap altogether. He still wakes up every 2-3 hours at night, and cannot sooth himself back to sleep. It takes me laying with him again to get him to go back to sleep. Frequently he wakes up screaming and is hard to sooth.
He is also very attached to me. Which is fine. But he wants to be held all day long or be right next to me. He will go off and explore around the house, or play with his brother, or play on his own, but it seems like he "checks in" with me a lot more frequently and intensely than his brother did.
I know he is only 19 months old. I know he can't go to therapy. But I was wondering if you had any advice or knew of anything I could do to help him.
Anything you can provide or any direction you can point me in would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much,
WTS Mom ---------Dear WTS Mom,
First of all, let me say that being the kind of Mother you are to research this is validating to your son and to us all. In fact, it heralds a new day for WTS (womb twin survivors) and their families everywhere. For you to have the inquisitiveness and courage to ask what you can do to help your son, regardless of your own feelings about this loss, is hugely rare and I can’t thank you enough for contacting us.
Baby WTS are in extreme twin replacement mode. In order to manage the shock of living on earth without their twin, mother becomes “m(ain)other” as do the primary relationships in succession of their twin. The pain of loss is buried in adapting to making these relations their twin since that’s all they know. They are here so they must cling to survival but they have already learned it is a perilous journey and people cannot be trusted because they disappear and cause pain in ways too big for a tiny baby to navigate.
Toddlers get worn out with separation anxiety, checking to make sure the world is reliable. Trust and consistency are huge in a world where things come and go without saying goodbye. Where mastery of the universe is hard-won but empty without their twin. Incessant crying and irritability, seeking mom out, unable to self soothe are all signs that a WTS needs assurance that the people with whom they are bonding, won’t disappear forever. They are frustrated with good reason, they are vulnerable, insecure and limited and must cling to life. They often feel their twin got the better end of the deal as they learn to navigate solo. They need constant assurance that they will be ok, others will be ok, life is ok.
Sleep becomes a regressive womb time when babies can feel the watery world of their twin memory, not bound by air, time or light or people who aren’t their twin. This regression to their true nature is important for their replenishment as they sleep, it soothes them from the shock of living solo. On the other hand, this can be the time when PTSD-charged memories are accessed – where the baby relives the unspeakable horror they experienced during, and following, the demise of their twin. Depending on when and how this happened, all details will shape the complex which continually gets laid down as the brain develops, since much of the original trauma is stored in body memory due to timing of the trauma against limbic embryonic development. Your son was already 6 months a twin before they were separated (to put this in perspective, I was born at 6 months and am a fully functioning person developmentally.) The key is to download it into the brain as it develops, so that it can be expressed and healed, rather than repressed and buried. What you resist persists, ignoring it won’t make it go away, it will most likely make it worse.
Thus begins a lifetime of synchronistic extreme duality, which is also an expression of his twoness.
Although nighttime/dreamtime is synonymous with the subconscious, and can be scary for all little ones learning to be conscious, it sounds as though your son may have lost his twin at night and may be waking up in terror at that time for this reason. The realization that he is alone while suffering the PTSD loss of his twin causes him to need a twin replacement and mother more than normal. You are doing the right thing by being this "twin surrogate" and bless you for having the courage to face this in light of the fact that you suffered the loss of a child and have your own grief process. On that note, any info you can share about how the twin went at 6 mos would be helpful in understanding the dynamics of the womb imprint. I strongly encourage you to stick it out – you must walk through the flames to get to the other side, not around them. Avoidance, ignorance, separation only adds fuel to the fire. Meanwhile here are some tips:
-Give in to being the twin replacement as much possible, in order to ease his transition to trusting relationships again. Play peek-a-boo games to remind him that people disappear but come back smiling.
-Leave your scented scarf in his crib at night to ease the pain of sleeping alone. Sleep with him as needed (no Ferber Method) knowing this is a surrogate bonding time that helps your son, which you both will outgrow when it’s right for you.
-Teach boundaries, yes, by all means this is crucial to WTS who have little/none, but give in to them without beating yourself up for it. WTS need constant duality as an expression of their twin nature, so don’t feel hypocritical, tune in to their flip-flop game so you can honor their alpha/beta duality and not get worn out in confusion.
-Give him several twin replacements so that he learns to rely on more than one, this will give you a break and allow you both to transition from each other – it also provides an all-important back up if one gets lost. On that note, whatever symbols you use as twin replacements should be replaceable, this means buy several and store them away so that if ever one is lost there is another to avoid retriggering the trauma of loss.
-Allow your son to put his favorite stuffed animal into a pillowcase (or cover it with a laundry basket) and then reveal it, this control over such events will go a long way in helping him feel secure following the uncontrollable disappearance of his twin.-Use the power of symbol over words and engage all senses: sight, sound, smell, space. Recognize his hypersensitivity and brilliance.
-Use aromatherapy: lavender and marjoram in baths, in room at night, will calm his separation anxiety and promote sleep.
-Recognize your own grief/loss and keep it separate from his; when appropriate, bring it together with his so that he isn’t alone with his loss.
-Elicit info about his womb story while it’s fresh, figuring out the dynamics of the intrauterine imprint will help us help him. Talk about what you remember of his twin too, commiserating may seem like bringing up pain but it has the opposite effect to a WTS who always feels pain, it helps them feel less alone with it which is a huge comfort when being alone is the problem to begin with. Identifying details that will help guide his course of treatment: was his twin identical or fraternal? male or female? how did his twin perish? how long was the twin in distress? what name shall be given to this lost twin? birth details? premature/nicu/incubator? (provide timing) IVF/ART? other complications/circumstances?
-Be the vehicle of expression for the unspeakable, encourage him to talk thru you and then speak very matter of factly about his twin, the WTS energy and verbal reactions will guide you and you will be amazed at what he knows.
-Read “Two Little Birds” and “Koko’s Magical Gift” to your son, it will go a long way toward bridging his inner and outer realities. See more age appropriate info and resources by going to Womb Twin Kids: http://www.wombtwin.com/womb-twin-kids/4578498382
-Read the work of Allesandra Piontelli. John Bowlby’s work on Attachment & Loss, Louise Kaplan Oneness to Separateness: From Infant to Individual. Consider contacting Claudia Pinheiro of Womb Twin Portugal, she has extensive knowledge about working with babies and is a WTS as well as the mother of a WTS.
What you are already doing for your son is on track and beyond what any of us could hope for. Thank you for this tremendous gift. I look forward to advising you as your little WTS grows, so do keep us posted. This work can begin at any age, in fact it already has so let’s keep our blinders off as we walk the road of preventative healing together.
Please feel free to share more about your son and how these techniques may have worked for you both.
Holiday time is upon us...it can be a difficult time for those in grief, particularly Womb Twin Survivors who may feel sad or guilty celebrating without their twin or who feel different from their loved ones at times of "togetherness". It can be a busy time of comings and goings and symbolic representation, a reflective time and a depressing & disappointing time. So how can we get through another holiday successfully? What strategies might we use to get through the holidays, year to year and how does that change over time?
It's been one year since Womb Twin founder, Althea Hayton, passed from this realm on Aug 13 2014 leaving a rich legacy that is being realized more and more with each passing day. To honor her life and work, I have made it my personal mission to do what I can on her behalf to push forward her ideas, raise awareness, practice the healing techniques, document findings via the blogs and continue to adapt what Althea started to fast-changing times in order to ensure relevancy to the younger womb twins coming forward - for the womb twins Althea based her foundational work on were different than those coming forward now. Early days included work with older womb twin survivors who often had no proof but found tremendous healing with this discovery/modality after years of other attempts not quite solving it. Today we see younger womb twin survivors who always knew because they had proof of Vanishing Twin Syndrome or knew they were conceived as a twin/multiple through methods of IVF/ART. Future work will need to facilitate the changing needs of survivors of Multi Fetal Pregnancy Reduction. And I'm seeing new synergies among Living Twins whose pre-natal imprints cause issues and how this work can help them get to the source. I'm seeing more people who are both Living Twins and Womb Twin Survivors. The walls between camps are coming down as we realize that people can be all: a living twin can be a womb twin survivor triplet who becomes a twinless twin who then must come to terms with their individuality. Although the landscape has become ever-more complicated, the healing set forth by Althea Hayton holds up through it all. Her development of this syndrome and healing path have been the extraordinary solution for some already but, in my opinion, the real power of what it's meant to transform is yet to come. I'm proud to say the work is proving effective in every type of scenario.
The VH1 premiere of “Twinning” featured a whole bunch of twins who would be separated into two separate houses, then pit against their twin in challenges to test their twin psychicness when they are separated. When the twins are told they will be separating the whole mood of the show changes…faces look shocked, worried, confused. Some cry, one almost pee’s his pants, one says she would “lose her mind” without her twin, yet another says “Without my twin I’m nothing.”
Their strong reactions to twin separation demonstrate just how difficult it is for a twin to function without their twin. Why wouldn’t this be the case for womb twin survivors who must be born without their twin? Being born is the scariest thing we will do, aside from dying, a time when the comfort of familiarity would be extra important. Add to this the biggest death trauma possible (twin loss is bigger than losing a child or a spouse or a parent), not to mention the fact that newborn babies are extremely vulnerable, and you have a recipe for disaster. This emotional disaster is the birthright of a born-alone twin.
Back to Twinning, the show ended with the twins reuniting…one twin says it’s like “the whole is put back together, it’s amazing to be together again” – and so it goes that womb twin survivors must put the wholeness back together in themselves by reclaiming both their twin and individual identities.
This is a gut-wrenching story that happens more than most people realize...the journey to become healthy twins is often perilous and frought with many hurdles which keep presenting themselves as quickly as they can be overcome.
Portugal Babymoon Couple Stranded Twins Article
Despite the tremendous fight Hayden Grace is up against, living life without her twin will be worse than all of it. It may even cause her to give up the fight. Most womb twins feel they got the raw end of the deal and, if given the choice, want to be with their twin - even more than life itself.
On a more positive note, Womb Twin Survivors are super-charged with fight-or-flight adrenalin so their "survival" instinct is in full gear, and they have the power of two in them, so hopefully this is enough to overcome the psychospiritual shock which has become their birthright - not to mention the medical/biological challenges of extreme prematurity.
I too was born at six months - 3 months premature with a twin (I was 3 lbs, she was 2 lbs), spending two months in NICU without attachment bonding, way before they knew the value of touch and light therapy. It took two months for me to gain the 2 lbs needed to go home a 5 pounder and the psychological impact of this ordeal has taken years to heal. What could've been 60 days and nights of breastfed bonding to help ease my twinloss turned into 60 days of abandonment and isolation on top of my twin loss but thankfully the nurses on duty got me through.
The knowledge we have gleaned in the past half-century since my birth is a blessing which allows many more preemies to survive, we know so much more about what to do (i.e. the "rescuing hug")but our continued ignorance prevents prevention. Every day we learn more about the mistakes we make, and how to manage them, but as the world continues scratching its head about the reality of womb twin survivors, we miss chances at prevention. We need to raise awareness so that people can make informed choices about their procreative decisions. What can we do? Here are some ideas
- Talk to people in their 20's and 30's about starting families earlier - delayed conception is risky
- Lobby Government to include Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome as one of the risks factors in choosing IVF/ART and Multiple Fetal Pregnancy Reduction
- Speak out about how you, as a Womb Twin Survivor, are affected
- Volunteer at your local NICU to help cuddle preemies which are often Womb Twin Survivors, the recognition Womb Twin Survivors feel with each other can only help these little ones thrive.
Don't miss all the opportunities which exist every day for Womb Twins to raise awareness, we are walking billboards for the cause because we live with the effects everyday. Sheer persistence alone can strengthen the case that we are not making this up (which is what the world conveniently wants us to believe).
One of the many frustrating things about being a womb twin survivor is that our inner reality does not match our outer reality because there is no way to express our true identity as twins when there is no twin there. It's like a man who is really a female inside before sex-reassignment was possible or an obese person who is really a thin person inside before lap-band surgery - there is nothing we can do to prove to the world who we truly are, as we identify ourselves to be twins & multiples. Because WTS are born alone we are somehow supposed to be ok with this and not talk about it, while singletons have their funerals and grief ceremonies for every type of loss, including pet loss, military loss, etc. complete with outpourings of comfort and sympathy from their friends, family and workplace.
Most of the time, people don't know what to say to someone who lost a twin in-utero and usually consider the survivor wrong to be "stuck" or talking about it, surprised that someone would be affected by such an early loss, or downright judging them as crazy - resulting in behavior which is unintentionally dismissive causing the survivor to feel even more alienated and alone than they already are. This is extremely painful because twin loss is the biggest grief loss there is because it means a part of the surviving twin dies too, further, they still trade places and pick up the thoughts and feelings of their twin - even though their twin has died, so the grief is loaded with identity confusion and survivor guilt.
This lack of comfort and expression causes the grief to remain repressed resulting in a sense of turmoil and identity confusion for the survivor who does not feel "normal" and does not know how to articulate it and does not find many places to go for it. The discrepancy between their inner world and outer world widens unless proper channels are made to express the trauma and affirm & heal the ego identity of the survivor.
One tool I found useful during my healing journey was a technique called "picture letters" - my adopted twin and I would send each other letters in the mail of images torn out of magazines which we would write over in our own twin-loss language. It gave us so much joy to make the outer world match our inner world and also to know someone else saw the same things and felt the same way, we felt less alone with our thoughts and feelings and had a safe place to poke fun at our own anger and bitterness about life and the constant irony and duality we felt.
I recently decided to use Facebook the same way - to share the mental imagery of the mind of a Womb Twin Survivor with the world, in hopes that other WTS will have a-ha moments of wonder that someone sees things like they do, that they are not alone, that our condition can even be fun if we embrace it! They can also make comments back to make it an interactive experience which can be instantly gratifying because lone-twins find great comfort in seeing eye to eye with each other the way they would have with their twin.
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The cause(s) of transgenderism are still unknown. There are currently a few suspected factors, like Genetics, but none are conclusive, among them "Biological and Environmental Factors" - like losing an opposite-gender twin in the womb, perhaps? Check out this new film on the subject and you will notice many familiar themes that Womb Twin Survivors share: dual identity, family alienation, feeling misunderstood, quest for authenticity, alpha/beta struggles, etc. In fact, one of the stars of the film, Laverne Cox, is a twin to a male, could there have been a female triplet lost that Laverne is keeping alive by being both genders?
I recently interviewed a transgender MTF, who was also at the opening of this film, who admitted she thinks this theory could be true for her, she said it could be the explanation for why, as a small boy, she dreamt of women having penises. Where would that come from at age 5 when she had no recollection of seeing such body parts on other people to know? Further examination revealed many twins in the family (genetic component confirmed) and 4 older brothers (which increases the chances for transgenderism due to Androgen exposure). Perhaps all these factors and the timing of how they were laid down caused her to be born male yet need the fluidity of both genders to feel complete. So much research is needed to confirm this theory but it seems this person has many of the known factors. Maybe science can't confirm the cause conclusively for each hunch because it's the combination of all these factors together that make a transgenderperson really a bigender person at their core who needs their outer packaging to reflect this duality, we just happen to call it transgenderism for now. To be continued...
Please donate to Womb Twin in order to support much needed research on this topic - and please support this film to raise awareness:
This link allows you to donate and gain access to view film online thru June 4th
www.carlathemovie.com
This question often comes up due to the common occurrence of misdiagnosis that happens for Womb Twin Survivors who are wrongly labeled/treated until they find the Womb Twin Healing Path as a solution which allows them a comfort level with living not previously achieved with other methods.
First, let’s look at the PD’s and their descriptions:
Millon's brief description of personality disorders
ParanoidGuarded, defensive, distrustful and suspiciousness. Hypervigilant to the motives of others to undermine or do harm. Always seeking confirmatory evidence of hidden schemes. Feel righteous, but persecuted. People with paranoid personality disorder are characterized by a pattern of pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others which last for a long time. They are generally difficult to work with.
SchizoidApathetic, indifferent, remote, solitary, distant, humorless. Neither desire nor need human attachments. Withdrawn from relationships and prefer to be alone. Little interest in others, often seen as a loner. Minimal awareness of the feelings of themself or others. Few drives or ambitions, if any. Is an uncommon condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. It affects more males than females. To others, they may appear somewhat dull or humorless. Because they don't tend to show emotion, they may appear as though they don't care about what's going on around them.
SchizotypalEccentric, self-estranged, bizarre, absent. Exhibit peculiar mannerisms and behaviors. Think they can read thoughts of others. Preoccupied with odd daydreams and beliefs. Blur line between reality and fantasy. Magical thinking and strange beliefs. People with schizotypal personality disorder are often described as odd or eccentric and usually have few, if any, close relationships. They generally don't understand how relationships form or the impact of their behavior on others.
AntisocialImpulsive, irresponsible, deviant, unruly. Act without due consideration. Meet social obligations only when self-serving. Disrespect societal customs, rules, and standards. See themself as free and independent. People with antisocial personality disorder depict a long pattern of disregard for other people's rights. They often cross the line and violate these rights.
BorderlineUnpredictable, manipulative, unstable. Frantically fears abandonment and isolation. Experience rapidly fluctuating moods. Shift rapidly between loving and hating. See themself and others alternatively as all-good and all-bad. Unstable and frequently changing moods. People with borderline personality disorder have a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships.
HistrionicDramatic, seductive, shallow, stimulus-seeking, vain. Overreact to minor events. Exhibitionistic as a means of securing attention and favors. See themself as attractive and charming. Constantly seeking others' attention. Disorder is characterized by constant attention-seeking, emotional overreaction, and suggestibility. Their tendency to over-dramatize may impair relationships and lead to depression, but they are often high-functioning.
NarcissisticEgotistical, arrogant, grandiose, insouciant. Preoccupied with fantasies of success, beauty, or achievement. See themself as admirable and superior, and therefore entitled to special treatment. Is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings.
AvoidantHesitant, self-conscious, embarrassed, anxious. Tense in social situations due to fear of rejection. Plagued by constant performance anxiety. See themself as inept, inferior, or unappealing. They experience long-standing feelings of inadequacy and are very sensitive of what others think about them.
DependentHelpless, incompetent, submissive, immature. Withdrawn from adult responsibilities. See themself as weak or fragile. Seek constant reassurance from stronger figures. They have the need to be taken care of by a person. They fear being abandoned or separated from important people in their life.
Obsessive–compulsiveRestrained, conscientious, respectful, rigid. Maintain a rule-bound lifestyle. Adhere closely to social conventions. See the world in terms of regulations and hierarchies. See themself as devoted, reliable, efficient, and productive.
DepressiveSomber, discouraged, pessimistic, brooding, fatalistic. Present themself as vulnerable and abandoned. Feel valueless, guilty, and impotent. Judge themself as worthy only of criticism and contempt. Hopeless, Suicidal, Restless. This disorder can lead to aggressive acts and hallucinations.
Passive–aggressive (Negativistic)Resentful, contrary, skeptical, discontented. Resist fulfilling others’ expectations. Deliberately inefficient. Vent anger indirectly by undermining others’ goals. Alternately moody and irritable, then sullen and withdrawn. Withhold emotions. Will not communicate when there is something problematic to discuss.
SadisticExplosively hostile, abrasive, cruel, dogmatic. Liable to sudden outbursts of rage. Gain satisfaction through dominating, intimidating and humiliating others. They are opinionated and close-minded. Enjoy performing brutal acts on others. Find pleasure is abusing others. Would likely engage in a sadomasochist relationship, but will not play the role of a masochist.
Self-defeating (Masochistic)Deferential, pleasure-phobic, servile, blameful, self-effacing. Encourage others to take advantage of them. Deliberately defeat own achievements. Seek condemning or mistreatful partners. They are suspect of people who treat them well. Would likely engage in a sadomasochist relationship.
These descriptions read like classic Womb Twin Survivor symptoms/feelings/traits – the remarkably high incidence of similarities makes it plausible to ascertain that Personality Disorders (PDs) are clusters of womb twin phenomena previously characterized as such due to lack of Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome (WTSS) knowledge (established in 2007).
To single out one of the PD’s, Borderline Personality Disorder, its description sounds exactly like the inner life of a Womb Twin Survivor. If this were true, and they are indeed the same thing, then these Symptoms of Disorder would actually be An Appropriate Reaction to Womb Trauma related to Twin Loss. When we look at them that way, we dial-down the “crazy” aspect and dial-in the fascinating understanding of how the psyche copes with trauma, pre and post limbic.
So what are the chances these are the same thing? When we look at research, it shows that BPD does appear to be a distinct diagnostic entity, although it co-occurs frequently with other mental disorders such as major depressive and bipolar II disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), substance use disorders, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and with several other personality disorders.3 Being that these are also textbook symptoms of Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome, this seems to further the case.
Going further into the correlation between the two, we must not only look at the symptoms – we must look at the cause. It is generally held that biological and environmental risk factors interact to reach a critical level of brain dysfunction resulting in symptoms of BPD. Further, it appears that this critical degree of disturbance of brain function can be achieved by a large amount of biological risk, sometimes combined with a low amount of environmental risk, or as low biological risk coupled with high environmental risk, or intermediate levels of both.
I can’t think of a bigger explanation of Biological Risk than the pre-natal loss of a twin and the grief trauma suffered by the surviving twin, who may also have suffered Environmental Risk factors in utero.
It makes sense that a twin without a twin, who has nowhere to put their twin identity or express the unknown trauma their body memory holds, would show up with a label like
Multiple Personality Disorder because they are truly more than one person, who lost a twin or multiple in the womb. Unaware singletons in charge of writing diagnostic codes and ordering courses of treatment can only do their best, but unfortunately it’s not enough given the twin/multiple epidemic we are facing… which brings us to the the real issue: there aren’t enough practitoners in the know about pre-natal psychology and Womb Twin Healing.
According to Theodore Millon, Ph.D., D.Sc. "PDs's are inflexible and pervasive due to the fact that such behavior may be ego-syntonic (i.e. the patterns are consistent with the ego integrity of the individual). This behavior can result in maladaptive coping skills, which may lead to personal problems that induce anxiety, distress or depression". I would like to put forth the question: What if the ego-integrity of the individual is already compromised/damaged at birth due to womb twin loss, resulting in anxiety, distress, depression which is then exacerbated as life continues without acknowledgement or remedy? Are we sure we are putting the right horse before the right cart?
It’s my belief we can use Womb Twin healing techniques to get to the cause of the problem for many sufferers of PD’s who are wrongly labeled and mistreated because they are being misdiagnosed due to lack of a better explanation – until now. Perhaps not all of them are WT’s, but based on my research and work in the field, I would guess many of these people are Womb Twin Survivors who don’t know they are.
The quickest way to confirm the relationship between WTSS and PD’s would be to treat these personality orders with the Womb Twin Healing Path, preferably without traditional medicine/psychotherapeutic approaches, in order to assess whether symptoms are alleviated. If lessening or diminishment of symptoms is achieved, then we can prove a relationship exists between WTS and PD’s and perhaps help people alleviate these symptoms, which may really just be manifestations of keeping their ‘dream of the womb’ alive (as well as expressing their twin nature, who uses these devices to make itself known until we can know it consciously).
With open minds, we can see these symptoms as an innocent reaction, which need acknowledgment and release - rather than a label or disease to be medicated or institutionalized. We can go beyond asking What If? to What Now? and strive to provide proper treatment. The proof of the correlation will be in the healing and of course, this work may need to augment some traditional approaches in some cases, but at this writing too much research and support is needed to crack the true answer to this question, even though we probably already have the answer.
This evening is Bruce Jenner’s big reveal to the world about his upcoming Gender Reassignment Surgery on ABC. While the world awaits a mysterious explanation about this surprising and personal choice, I would like to offer a possible explanation in advance, one which perhaps not even Bruce has considered about himself.
Seen through a womb-twin lens, I can intuit exactly what’s going on for Bruce, as well as Rob Kardashian. I can offer a theory as to why their relationship is strained now that Rob is clearly against this gender change while all his other siblings endorse it and support Bruce.
I believe they are both Womb Twin Survivors! And this is what makes them similar yet at odds, perhaps a subconscious competition between them. I believe Bruce had a female twin in the womb (most likely, 2 identicals - making him a triplet) and Rob had a male twin in the womb (most likely identical). Here’s my guess:
If Bruce is a male to 2 twin identical females, he would’ve been alone in his own sac. Could this be why it felt natural for him to create an off-site residence for only him, separate from the girls nearby? When his twins disappeared, he needed to keep their feminine energy alive inside him, but being an alpha male athlete he couldn’t admit that. So instead he finds fulfillment in marrying a woman who has lots of girl children, their union producing twin daughters. He would’ve felt natural to be around all that feminine energy but also left-out in his maleness (matching his womb dynamic). Could it be that seeing his twin daughters bond and come of age triggered an internal jealousy & sadness in Bruce, which, when combined with his switch from alpha male to beta male (thanks to his wife Kris being all business) was too much for his psyche to endure? The isolation/abandonment he felt could have caused him to fall deep into his black hole of needing his twin and all the identity and gender confusion which comes with it, needing to feel close to the girls inside him.
With no awareness that such a complex exists within him, his goal would be to remedy his sadness & confusion by keeping his dream of the womb alive - indeed, surpassing it - and trading places with his girl twin who was closest to him in the next sac. That would alleviate survivor guilt and merge him with his twin, heaven! If there was another identical, perhaps, more distant to Bruce, but closer to the other female, he could have picked up her desire to be with her twin and it would come out as him becoming a ‘she who is close to another she’ - the perfect amalgamation to recapture his original womb story. He wants to become a woman who is a lesbian, that way his maleness will be diminished (eliminating survivor guilt) and he’ll be reunited, actually merged, with the girls who are such a part of him. The alternative is so painful, he will suffer public humiliation in order to get his twin/triplet fix.
Then there’s Rob, the only Kardashian son, who has been depressed, isolated from the family and less successful than the rest. All typical womb twin traits. Poor Rob seems to have fallen deep into his black hole and no amount of money or fame can get him out of it. I believe Rob lost a male twin, likely identical - he and his father would’ve been the ‘two boys’ among all those girls, until his father died rendering Rob abandoned and grief stricken again. As all the girls around him rose to alpha fame, Rob slipped further into his black hole beta-space, becoming invisible.
The girls attempts to rescue him (with career, dieting and well-being help) made it worse because he wasn’t meant to merge with females, he was looking for his male counterpart to rescue/be rescued by…but he was outnumbered and overshadowed and the only male. Could his weight gain be contributed to this need to increase the number of males in the family, or be a way to show the world there are two of him by doubling in size? Yo-yo dieting and the media-spotlit alpha/beta struggle would only exacerbate his depression in this endless cycle of failure. Being elevated to alpha fame didn’t match his womb story, so he may have subconsciously decided to stay stuck keeping his dream of the womb alive, looking for his male counterpart. As his sisters brought male suitors into the family, he may have bonded with them as twin replacements, particularly Lamar Odom - this is when Rob seemed happy and strong enough to launch his own business, until Lamar too disappeared sending Rob into weight gain/isolation mode. Now, the only male left in the family, his step-dad Bruce, has decided to change gender from male to female, committing yet another familiar betrayal - leaving Rob alone with all those girls and no male twin replacement. No wonder he is the only child who does not support Bruce’s decision.
These behaviors are perfectly explainable and logical when seen through a womb twin lens, they may be nothing more than an appropriate reaction to a series of prior in-utero events which look very odd & confusing without knowledge and belief in the everyday life of a womb twin survivor.
Now let’s tune in to hear what Bruce has to say about all this!….It's nice when they admit a teratoma is an absorbed twin. will Yamini feel the loss of her twin now that they have been separated via surgery, despite never knowing about her twin before? We are here for you if you need us Yamini!
http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Embryonic-Twin-Discovered-in-Womans-Brain-During-Surgery-300891281.htmlThe world is acknowledging more and more that womb twin loss is a thing and has an impact - for years this point was missed or questioned & not easily believed, which has been extremely frustrating for Womb Twin Survivors whose lives are affected everyday. Not finding widespread help only compounds this feeling of isolation, given that we live in a cause-curated world. The tides are changing now that the masses can no longer look the other way due to headlines such as these:
http://www.parents.com/blogs/baby/2015/02/10/news/these-remarkable-babies-were-born-without-their-twins/?utm_source=scarymommy.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchangeThis brand of humor speaks for itself, but it is interesting that the mass psyche is starting to wrap its head around intrauterine rights and twin absorption as seen in this skit about FETUS LAWYERS:
http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/ouq3mw/the-unborn-ultimatumThis baby was born inside its amniotic sac three months premature...could he be a womb twin survivor?
http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/25/health/rare-en-caul-birth-amniontic-sac/index.htmlNow that Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome is on the scene, I wonder of these twins would've diagnosed themselves with it....before finding their lost twin on Facebook. Instead, they get to live their true twin identity through a fairy tale ending which womb twin survivors will never experience..what a happy story!
http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/12/living/separated-at-birth-reunited-on-facebook-parents/index.html?hpt=us_t5A new film about the bond of twins separated and reunited, although they are growing up in different countries it will be a huge relief for them to know the other exists and to understand their twin identity. See NY Times Article "Twin Sisters from China Stay in Touch"
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/20/arts/twin-sisters-from-china-stay-in-touch.html?_r=1With Althea's passing, it is important we all recognize the significance of carrying on her work so that future Womb Twin Survivors get the help she worked so hard to make available. While this marks the end of Althea's active participation, it is by no means an end, nor is it a slowing down, instead it heralds a new chapter to take her work forward based on seven years of refining and effectiveness so that her legacy can be realized and utilized - particularly since the in vitro/selective reduction babies are coming of age. So here's what's next:
- Womb Twin as a non-profit organization is alive and well in St Albans, UK with Celeste Hardingham as Chairman, appointed by Althea.
- Womb Twin will continue indefinitely as an administration with a board of directors, however, it relies on donations so we need help with fundraising. Write a letter of request to 20 people with the womb twin donation link (from website) so that they can make direct donations. It's that simple and you never know until you ask! Remember, We no longer have Althea's efforts to populate the donation pool, so all hands on deck!
- Wren Publications will be administered by Philip Hayton, Althea's son. What a blessing to have his help managing Althea's vast world of books which she published herself out of her determination to help womb twin survivors get the material they need, and which is available nowhere else.
- Monica Hudson is actively practicing the healing techniques taught to her by Althea from New York with new and existing womb twin survivors all over the world (in person & skype). Her Twindividual/Twindr initiatives are still in progress and will soon be launched as the next evolution of the womb twin work.
- Keep Spreading the word about this syndrome and Womb Twin organization in order to raise awareness, so that those who need help can get it, and hopefully to help prevent future cases.
-Expand the work in guiding Therapists, which was Althea's last effort "Ripples from the Womb" yet which was only the beginning of a much-needed way to bridge traditional therapy with the special needs of this under-the-radar population. In other words, if those who need help don't seek us out, we can at least prepare therapists to identify and then treat womb twin survivors.
Onward and Upward, it's time to reciprocate Althea for her generosity of spirit and pay her work forward into the world now...
As requested by the Goddess of All Things Womb Twin, here is a special dance for Althea, may she rest in peace. At the time of her passing, I was in New York sharing her Healing Path with a new recruit - Nicholas is a young dancer who will benefit from finding this work early in his life. She would've liked that. Since I sadly couldn't attend her burial on Thursday, we chose to honor her spirit with the dance of life from Fifth Avenue. The ripple effect of your dance is alive and well, Althea!
Our beloved Althea, will be laid to rest on Thursday in the UK, her burial will be well attended by her family, church and community. She asked for donations to be given ALS (isn't it just like her to pick a disease that is trending via Ice Bucket Challanges?) but isn't that also just like her to ask for something unselfish to the cause she worked so hard to make into a non-profit organization serving what turned out to be roughly 3000 womb twin survivors of which 1000 have proof. The truth is, Womb Twin needs donations more than ever, without her. So please give to one or both in Althea's memory. The other request Althea made, was that there be dancing. So, everyone in the USA, please do a dance for Althea when you wake up in the morning!
The need for her work in the world is invaluable to those who need it. Here is a letter from a womb twin on the East Coast which really sums it up:
I came to know Althea and the Wombtwin Community at one of the lowest points of my life. It was about 10 days after I had made a very serious suicide attempt. Somehow I survived and was placed in a mental hospital for about a week. They wanted me to stay longer, but it was almost Christmas Day and I wanted to go home.
A few days later, I happened to be on the internet and in the search bar I keyed in the words "I had a twin who disappeared" and it was like I rubbed the magic lamp, because immediately a plethora of things came up, most of them titled "Wombtwin Survivors". Wow!! I had never heard of that term before. For at least 50 years, I had felt like I should have been a twin, always felt the presence of another little girl, I had all the earmarks of a twin. I had been hospitalized in mental hospitals on and off my entire life. A lot of psychiatrists thought I had multiple personality disorder, I was delusional, etc. Nobody could tell me anything definite.
That was until December 30, 2008. That was the day the biggest light in the universe came on, and I found Althea and the world of Wombtwins. I wasn't alone! I wasn't delusional! I was part of a big, beautiful family all over the world.
Thank you, Althea, and God Bless you in heaven for showing all of us the way. I will be eternally grateful to you. Love Always, Kate
This is just one example of how Althea gave so much to others with her generous spirit, now go be still and rest in peace knowing you have given us a place to understand ourselves and learn how to do our dance.
Besides - If we don't Do Our Dance, who will?
Whether you are a living twin, a twinless twin or a womb twin survivor, your in-utero relationships gave you an awareness singletons don't have. These early imprints created dynamics that play out in relationships, which can be harnessed & healed, when made conscious. Many people find it hard to believe early loss of a twin or multiple in the womb can affect someone. In my experience of working with many twinless twins and womb twin survivors - of all genders, zygosities, ages - the earlier the loss, the deeper the trauma. That being said, let us be grateful that the twinless twins mentioned in this article, got to be born and have a relationship with their twin. Each sacred day, hour, moment they had together was a cherished gift before it all changed forever...
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/twinless-twins-grieve/story?id=24780120
To Womb Twin US - Monica,
My husband and I have two sons, a 3 year old and a 19 month old. Our youngest is a twin, and unfortunately we lost his brother 6 months into the pregnancy.
I have often wondered if the difficulties he is facing is linked to losing his brother. After today and reading blogs and information, I am almost sure of it.
For the most part he is a happy and healthy child. He laughs and runs and does everything little boys do. He isn't saying as many words as the "typical" child his age, but I am not worried as I know he understands a lot.
The "problems" are with his sleep and moods on some days. He will not fall asleep without me next to him. There have been times he has taken a nap on his own, but that is rare. He has now dropped his nap altogether. He still wakes up every 2-3 hours at night, and cannot sooth himself back to sleep. It takes me laying with him again to get him to go back to sleep. Frequently he wakes up screaming and is hard to sooth.
He is also very attached to me. Which is fine. But he wants to be held all day long or be right next to me. He will go off and explore around the house, or play with his brother, or play on his own, but it seems like he "checks in" with me a lot more frequently and intensely than his brother did.
I know he is only 19 months old. I know he can't go to therapy. But I was wondering if you had any advice or knew of anything I could do to help him.
Anything you can provide or any direction you can point me in would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much,
WTS Mom ---------Dear WTS Mom,
First of all, let me say that being the kind of Mother you are to research this is validating to your son and to us all. In fact, it heralds a new day for WTS (womb twin survivors) and their families everywhere. For you to have the inquisitiveness and courage to ask what you can do to help your son, regardless of your own feelings about this loss, is hugely rare and I can’t thank you enough for contacting us.
Baby WTS are in extreme twin replacement mode. In order to manage the shock of living on earth without their twin, mother becomes “m(ain)other” as do the primary relationships in succession of their twin. The pain of loss is buried in adapting to making these relations their twin since that’s all they know. They are here so they must cling to survival but they have already learned it is a perilous journey and people cannot be trusted because they disappear and cause pain in ways too big for a tiny baby to navigate.
Toddlers get worn out with separation anxiety, checking to make sure the world is reliable. Trust and consistency are huge in a world where things come and go without saying goodbye. Where mastery of the universe is hard-won but empty without their twin. Incessant crying and irritability, seeking mom out, unable to self soothe are all signs that a WTS needs assurance that the people with whom they are bonding, won’t disappear forever. They are frustrated with good reason, they are vulnerable, insecure and limited and must cling to life. They often feel their twin got the better end of the deal as they learn to navigate solo. They need constant assurance that they will be ok, others will be ok, life is ok.
Sleep becomes a regressive womb time when babies can feel the watery world of their twin memory, not bound by air, time or light or people who aren’t their twin. This regression to their true nature is important for their replenishment as they sleep, it soothes them from the shock of living solo. On the other hand, this can be the time when PTSD-charged memories are accessed – where the baby relives the unspeakable horror they experienced during, and following, the demise of their twin. Depending on when and how this happened, all details will shape the complex which continually gets laid down as the brain develops, since much of the original trauma is stored in body memory due to timing of the trauma against limbic embryonic development. Your son was already 6 months a twin before they were separated (to put this in perspective, I was born at 6 months and am a fully functioning person developmentally.) The key is to download it into the brain as it develops, so that it can be expressed and healed, rather than repressed and buried. What you resist persists, ignoring it won’t make it go away, it will most likely make it worse.
Thus begins a lifetime of synchronistic extreme duality, which is also an expression of his twoness.
Although nighttime/dreamtime is synonymous with the subconscious, and can be scary for all little ones learning to be conscious, it sounds as though your son may have lost his twin at night and may be waking up in terror at that time for this reason. The realization that he is alone while suffering the PTSD loss of his twin causes him to need a twin replacement and mother more than normal. You are doing the right thing by being this "twin surrogate" and bless you for having the courage to face this in light of the fact that you suffered the loss of a child and have your own grief process. On that note, any info you can share about how the twin went at 6 mos would be helpful in understanding the dynamics of the womb imprint. I strongly encourage you to stick it out – you must walk through the flames to get to the other side, not around them. Avoidance, ignorance, separation only adds fuel to the fire. Meanwhile here are some tips:
-Give in to being the twin replacement as much possible, in order to ease his transition to trusting relationships again. Play peek-a-boo games to remind him that people disappear but come back smiling.
-Leave your scented scarf in his crib at night to ease the pain of sleeping alone. Sleep with him as needed (no Ferber Method) knowing this is a surrogate bonding time that helps your son, which you both will outgrow when it’s right for you.
-Teach boundaries, yes, by all means this is crucial to WTS who have little/none, but give in to them without beating yourself up for it. WTS need constant duality as an expression of their twin nature, so don’t feel hypocritical, tune in to their flip-flop game so you can honor their alpha/beta duality and not get worn out in confusion.
-Give him several twin replacements so that he learns to rely on more than one, this will give you a break and allow you both to transition from each other – it also provides an all-important back up if one gets lost. On that note, whatever symbols you use as twin replacements should be replaceable, this means buy several and store them away so that if ever one is lost there is another to avoid retriggering the trauma of loss.
-Allow your son to put his favorite stuffed animal into a pillowcase (or cover it with a laundry basket) and then reveal it, this control over such events will go a long way in helping him feel secure following the uncontrollable disappearance of his twin.-Use the power of symbol over words and engage all senses: sight, sound, smell, space. Recognize his hypersensitivity and brilliance.
-Use aromatherapy: lavender and marjoram in baths, in room at night, will calm his separation anxiety and promote sleep.
-Recognize your own grief/loss and keep it separate from his; when appropriate, bring it together with his so that he isn’t alone with his loss.
-Elicit info about his womb story while it’s fresh, figuring out the dynamics of the intrauterine imprint will help us help him. Talk about what you remember of his twin too, commiserating may seem like bringing up pain but it has the opposite effect to a WTS who always feels pain, it helps them feel less alone with it which is a huge comfort when being alone is the problem to begin with. Identifying details that will help guide his course of treatment: was his twin identical or fraternal? male or female? how did his twin perish? how long was the twin in distress? what name shall be given to this lost twin? birth details? premature/nicu/incubator? (provide timing) IVF/ART? other complications/circumstances?
-Be the vehicle of expression for the unspeakable, encourage him to talk thru you and then speak very matter of factly about his twin, the WTS energy and verbal reactions will guide you and you will be amazed at what he knows.
-Read “Two Little Birds” and “Koko’s Magical Gift” to your son, it will go a long way toward bridging his inner and outer realities. See more age appropriate info and resources by going to Womb Twin Kids: http://www.wombtwin.com/womb-twin-kids/4578498382
-Read the work of Allesandra Piontelli. John Bowlby’s work on Attachment & Loss, Louise Kaplan Oneness to Separateness: From Infant to Individual. Consider contacting Claudia Pinheiro of Womb Twin Portugal, she has extensive knowledge about working with babies and is a WTS as well as the mother of a WTS.
What you are already doing for your son is on track and beyond what any of us could hope for. Thank you for this tremendous gift. I look forward to advising you as your little WTS grows, so do keep us posted. This work can begin at any age, in fact it already has so let’s keep our blinders off as we walk the road of preventative healing together.
Please feel free to share more about your son and how these techniques may have worked for you both.
